Should I Double Down…or Go All In?

Michael has asked me to be a guest writer on his blog. I have never considered myself a writer, but perhaps you can gain something from my effort.

In case you don’t know me, my name is Justin Springer. I am an evangelist with the church of Christ. I have known and worked with Michael for nearly 30 years. On Christmas Day, 2010 I found out that I had stage four pancreatic cancer which has spread to my liver. I have undergone two chemo protocols which have not worked. I am currently on my third regimen and pray this one will work.

I was recently reading the book Decision Points by George W. Bush. In deciding to go forth with the unpopular surge of troops in Iraq, President Bush commented to one of his aides that he guessed they were going to “double down”. His aide said that it was closer to being “all in”. There is a big difference between “doubling down” and being “all in”. When you double down you are taking a risk by doubling your original bet. When you go all in, however, you are in a sense betting it all. It is all or nothing.

When I found out that I had cancer I, of course, immediately began to think about end of life scenarios. What will it be like when I breathe my last breath? Am I ready to meet God? Is my faith strong enough? Have I done enough?

My initial reaction was to examine my past life. I would go back to try and justify my sins. That I had made mistakes in my life was obvious. I at first tried to minimize my transgressions and then I tried to figure out a way to change the effect of those mistakes. I decided to “double down”. I was going to live such an exemplary life that I could overcome any mistakes I made in the past.

As a preacher I know this is not the biblical method. God wants us to strive for a high calling. God asks us to attempt to reach His glory, perfection. He knows that we are incapable of attaining that perfection so He sent Jesus to die for us so that through Him we could become righteous when we fail to attain His glory. We must live by faith, meaning that we must trust God to resolve the gap between His perfection and our inadequacies.

But when you are the one facing the dilemma it seems different somehow. When I was a child I would often have to get up and go to the bathroom. Unfortunately my brother liked to close our bedroom door. I would get up in the middle of the night and stand at the door. My brother and mother would both tell me that there was nothing beyond the door. I knew this was probably the case, but I was the one having to open the door. My need to go to the bathroom would eventually overcome my fears and I would open the door. Guess what? Nothing but a hallway was on the other side.

When I think about death I liken it to a door. What is on the other side? None of us have ever been there. Jesus, who has been on both sides, so to speak, has tried to comfort us. He told us that there is nothing to fear. He stated that in His Father’s house are mansions of glory, a heavenly home not made with hands, a place with no tears and no death, and a home with Him for all eternity. Who would not want to go to that place? Why would we not want to fling open the door?

And yet, here I stood facing the door and not wanting to open it. What was wrong with me? I was trying to “double down”. It takes faith to do that, but not enough. It takes tremendous faith to be “all in”. You see, if you are not all in then you really aren’t in at all. It is all or nothing. Doubling, tripling, or for that matter, quadrupling down is not enough. You can’t change the past and you won’t be perfect in the future. You need to depend on Him. You must be all in. That is the faith I want to live by.

Please pray for me that as I stand at the door, be that in the near or distant future, I have the courage to be all in. In fact, since we don’t know when we cross that threshold let us all be ready to take that walk. We need to have enough faith to be ready to go all or nothing. May we be ALL IN for Him.


ADDENDUM: September 26th, 2011: My friend, Justin Springer, no longer stands looking at the door. He now knows what is on the other side as he has passed from this life. And here I stand, missing my friend, looking at the door...knowing more than ever what "all in" means. Thank you Justin.